Communicating and leading, one lesson a day

Imagine you are coordinating a neighborhood science fair. You are not anyone's manager. The school custodian controls the rooms, a parent volunteer is printing the signs, a local engineer promised safety goggles, and a librarian is collecting permission forms. The doors open Saturday morning, and the event depends on all four people doing what they said they would do.

That is influence without authority. Allan Cohen and David Bradford use that phrase for the work of getting cooperation when you cannot assign, reward, or discipline the people involved. Their central idea is simple: working relationships are exchanges. People help when the exchange includes something they value, and different people value different things.

Cohen and Bradford group these currencies into five families. Inspiration currencies include purpose and the chance to contribute to something meaningful. Task currencies include help, information, resources, and an easier process. Position currencies include recognition and visibility. Relationship currencies include trust, listening, and support. Personal currencies include gratitude, ownership, comfort, and avoiding embarrassment.

The first mistake is paying everyone in the currency you prefer. If you value efficiency, you may send the same crisp reminder to all four people. That reminder may work for the custodian, who needs a final room list and nothing more. It may fail with the engineer, who volunteered because she wants children to see what engineering can do. The task is identical, but the reason to care is different.

Before you ask, diagnose the other person's world. What are they responsible for? What would make this easy? What would make them proud? What problem are they trying to avoid?

The custodian may value predictability: an exact setup time, room count, and name of the person locking up. The parent printing signs may value task help: final text in one file, already proofread. The engineer may value inspiration and recognition: the goggles allow every child to run the chemistry activity safely, and the program will thank her company. The librarian may value relationship currency: early notice when a form is missing, without being blamed in front of parents.

The second move is to make the ask in their currency. Do not tell the engineer, “I need sixty pairs of goggles by Friday.” Tell her, “The goggles are what let every student do the experiment instead of watching from behind the table. Can you confirm sixty pairs by Friday?” The deadline has not changed. The request now connects her action to the reason she joined.

For the sign volunteer, the useful exchange may be different: “I put every approved sign in one print-ready file, so you will not have to chase corrections. Can you print it by Thursday evening?” You have reduced the work before asking for the work.

Robert Cialdini's principle of reciprocity helps explain why real deposits matter. When you share information, remove obstacles, give credit, and keep your promises, you make later cooperation more likely. This is not a trick. The deposit has to be useful even if you never collect on it. You can name the exchange lightly: “I finished the room map so you will not have to move tables twice. I need your final key schedule by Wednesday.”

The trap appears when someone misses a commitment. You may escalate, becoming sharp in a group message, or quietly do the work yourself. Both choices damage the exchange. Public pressure spends relationship currency. Doing it yourself teaches everyone that their commitments have no cost because you will absorb them.

Use a four-part follow-up instead. Start with the commitment in their words: “You said the permission forms would be sorted Tuesday.” Connect it to the shared goal: “That tells us which students can enter the workshop.” Ask for the smallest next step: “Can you finish the list by four?” Then offer to clear a real obstacle: “Is anything blocking it that I can handle?” After that, stop talking. The silence gives the person room to deliver or tell you the truth.

Do not invent a currency from stereotypes. Ask and observe. A volunteer who wants recognition one week may need quiet support the next. Influence is not a set of labels you attach to people. It is the habit of noticing what this exchange costs them and what would make it worthwhile.

And keep the exchange fair. Influence is cooperation, not a hidden debt.

Here is the practice. Pick three people whose help you need but cannot command. For each, write one line with their name, what they appear to value in this situation, and the ask expressed in that currency. Check that your request includes a clear action and time. Then make one useful deposit before you follow up.

That is the lesson. When authority is absent, exchange is still available. Learn what the other person values, make the work easier or more meaningful, and hold commitments without turning the relationship into a threat.

Sources for this lesson: Influence Without Authority by Allan Cohen and David Bradford, for exchange currencies and understanding another person's working world; Robert Cialdini's Influence, for reciprocity; and Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, for clear requests.